crazyyyy train

i just made myself get out of bed

yeah i know its 5pm

and by out of bed, i mean im now sitting up on my computer in bed, instead of lying in bed

last night should probably be labeled, in general, as a "bad life choice"

as i like to say.

went to graham to the $3 theatre with my parents

first we ate dinner at this cute little old school diner

where we somehow managed to have 3 waiters

my mom joked and said it was because she had a "hot daughter"

the waiter nearest blushed and then winked at me.

great. i like awkward situations

he then proceeded to ask me, 3 times in 20 seconds if he "could get me anything else, ANYTHING reallly"

ew.

so then we go to the sketchy $3 theatre

they have this dispenser in the lobby where you push a button and it pours popcorn for a refill, its really not as neat as it sounds

im sure thats where AIDS came from.

and they had a box of like nasty old rocking chair seat cushions

ya know, in case your seat isnt comfy enough? haha

oh and the seats, yeah they ROCKED. so the entire movie i was too ADHD to watch because i was distracted by rocking back and forth  in the chair. 

am i 5 years old? 

and of course, the stupidest and loudest red neck man alive had to sit behind me 

the entire time saying, at the quietest moments possible

"well hot damn! i didnt think he would get shot!"

"wooo-eee! i cant believe they're doin it!"

"hunney did you see that? i cant believe i saw that??"

i was like WTF YOU ARE A GROWN MAN STFU

but instead of saying it out loud i just put my sweater on and gave him a mean look

which really, isnt that mean, im bad at mean looks.

okay i need to stop writing now.

one last thing.. someone is outside of my window playing "crazy train" by ozzy osbourne

really? what is going on in my life??

muh pupppppy

he got a new haircut

look at bruce wayne!

<3

i have the cutest dog alive, i knowwww.

my baby sister had her last band banquet-awards thing. 

she got most outstanding colorguard

she's so cuuute.

today i was watching fit tv

they had a 30 minute belly-dancing lesson called "shimmy"

so i participated

now i feel like i should be in a bollywood film.

please cast me?

worthless (PS!)

i cant believe i forgot to post this!

while pregaming with jello shots

kaila and i decided to take pictures like the cover of our favorite movie "STEP BROTHERS"

FOR EXAMPLE: 

OUR BEST SHOTS:

LOVE YOU! 

worthless

i went on a blind date tonight. i forgot what it feels like to be on a date, super nerdy of me. haha.

it was fun minus the scary 300lb biker lady giving me evil eyes across the bar.

uhm hi?

i watched "walk hard"

disappointing.

went to work today.

found out the contest i won (and kicked everyone's ass in)

has no prize

wtf is that? so lame.

so saturday night

we had a great memorial day party at shanes

7 handles of assorted drinks

i made 150 jello shots, hahaha.

the jello shots were amazing, i think my skills are unparalleled by any.

last night kaila and i went to harris teeter

decided i need some rotisserie chicken 

we get over there, normally $7.99

had a $3.00 off, $3.00 off coupon times two.

so that means $1.99 for a whole rotisserie chicken

OF COURSE WE BOUGHT THE WHOLE THANG!

i was going to try to eat the entire thing.

like 10% in i was done. im lame.

saturday night we also decided to make a 2am run to STEAK AND SHAKE

great and horrible life choice.

i had to take care of my bestie as he sat in front of steak and shake on the main curb barfing.

oh yeah, he WORKS at steak and shake. 

great life choice, shane.

today at work, haha

this 45 year old man with his daughter 

buy a pair of earrings 

the entire time shes like "daddy i hate these. why are you buying them? daddy i dont want theeeseee"

the entire time he goes "JUST HUSH. GIMME A MINUTE"

and spends the entire transaction time trying to get my number.

man with  unhappy 7 year old daughter= no game.

sorry sir.

ps. i dont really have a ps.

but these arent worth reading.

i just like to hear myself think via typing and reading this. 

i just think that my phone needs to have a breathalyzer on it.

i dont get embarrassing in person when i drink

but man, those texts. they kinda hurt. 

okay the end i will let you go back to having a soul

<3

oh baby

well. THAT sure was an interesting tuesday night, to say the least. 

started out another normal day, went to work, sold over-priced tween girl clothing, went shopping and spent a large amount of my mother's money..

THEN i got a text 

"what are you doing tonight?"

my reply

"i have no plans after dinner with my mother.. why?"

-that started a night, well, haha, you'll see..

so this kid travis, who i have not seen in 3 years, invites me to greensboro with him to go hit up some parties.

i say, what the hell? lets go!

so we meet up at 9pm at waffle house (classy, i know!). and head to gboro.

1. the car ride was super sexy. he blasted super hardxcore music. you know thats my favorite..

2. we got lost in the ghetto of gboro, yes, it has a ghetto, i have seen it

3. I SAW A REAL LIVE HOOKER. BEST LIFE EXPERIENCE EVER

--yeah, we are just like, lost in the ghetto, and we see Bonquisha (obviously her name has been changed for confidentiality and safety reasons) and she is wearing some skin tight leather hot pink pants, a tiny bedazzled bra and a giant fur coat. 

-seriously, as tyra banks would say, she was FIERCE.

so we show up at this kid robbie's house

he is having "band practice". hahaha. they totally sucked. a lot.

so we leave and meet a bunch of kids up at clint's apt. totally a great life choice.

it was 20 guys. 3 girls (myself included). hahaha. great odds i suppose. especially considering the other two girls had boyfriends.

too bad the guys i had to chose from were:

1. boy with the curly mullet. no lie.

2. boy who said his favorite song was "suicide party"

3. boy who liked to call me "titts mcgee" 

4. boy who was chugging a half gallon of vodka, straight, by himself.

--you get the point. im sure you can see, i had a hard time making up my mind about who was most appealing. 

i learned a few new drinking games. i also learned that apparently i can drink 16 ounces of vodka and NOT die.. thats great news. 

i also learned that i need to tell guys, because clearly ya'll just dont know: following a girl around (aka party stalking) is NOT a good way to hit on her, get her number, or attempt to get her to sleep with you!

--the guy tried to tell me i HAD to sleep in his bed with him.. uhm really? bad life choice, mister. and you wonder why i am not returning your texts?

i did enjoy myself though! being the only girl during circle of death was quite hillarious. running around in crazy cowboy boots was extra hillarious.

passing out at 5am on a fold out couch between two silly boys who were too drunk to make sure i had enough room to breathe, love it. 

so now, at midnight, i am still trying to recover from my hangover from a night of epicness. 

what a great way to kick off summer.

ps. if you read this, wtf were you thinking? 

1. i shouldnt be allowed to blog

2. i am not very good at telling funny stories, this was all hillarious to me, not to you.

3. this was so long, i can't believe you're STILL reading this. wtf?

okay <3

definitely.

just finalized it!

my best friend (hope) is coming back from hawaii on june 8th

she will be living with me for the rest of the summer.

this could be dangerous for the safety of innocent civilians, and the late night mcdonalds drive-thru workers. 

i know, embarrassing. 

also. 

we have decided that if no work is available we will take up employment at a strip club.

she will be the brunette with an ass, myself: the blonde with the rack. 

we will have a great 2 for 1 special entitled "the best of both worlds"

(that is a play off of the hannah montana/miley cyrus empire..)

she will be "slutty cyrus"

and i will be "humping montana" 

let me know if you want to go ahead and book in advance, we foresee this being a best selling act.

yeah so guess i have to have "THE TALK" with my sister sooner than expected.. 

i found out she has "dragons" and "magic" listed on her facebook profile.

don't worry. i will fix this. 

gotta make sure she's using protection

and by that i mean socially, not ruining all prospects of earning a M.R.S. degree when she goes off to college..

its late.

i really should NOT be allowed to blog. 

YES

aye yo, im tryin to make some monies.

holla at yo girl.

$5, make you holla.

mk <3